I am haunted by the days into days into another day that passes for another. I drink my diet mountain dew in a small glass with broken ice that reminds me of some whiskey mixed drink I used to pamper a whole nights worth in some bar that had no windows. Windows were for those of us that have souls. We don’t need windows. There’s nothing to look at anymore except the bottom of my glass.
“Fill me up bartender! I never want to see the bottom of this glass. I will tip you well as long as I never see the bottom of this glass.”
I sit waiting.
Waiting for my daughter.
I light up when I see here blonde hair.
I feel safe and taken care of when I see her with her supplies for the week.
I am deeply overwhelmed and grateful for her care and concern, for her love and patience.
She will have no bad feelings, no down talk, no obsession with war or hate, no, no the world is instead filled with sunshine love and peace even when it doesn’t appear to be.
She will make my depressed day of self-obsession and self-centered insanity go away and be replaced with happiness and a desire to be there for others including her.
He said we were all one big happy family.
The truth is we are not. We are islands floating in a sea of ailments and medications that are there to take away our will to fight back. We are now baggage to the government. We are their mistakes that they want to keep hidden. We are many things but one thing we are not. We are not family.
Our time together is brief even though it seems forever and we desperately participate in our games of distraction but we still wake up alone even when it is waking up to the stench of the animal beside you in a room only separated by a curtain.
And there is the bottom of my glass.
The robin stands silent watching me as I take its picture She seems to know and for this moment decides that it’s ok.
It’s been days, so it seems. I have been adrift in a black ocean in a small boat that has a hole in the bottom. I have got the bailing of water out of the boat down to a science as I float endlessly in a black ocean with the curtains pulled on a bright brilliant world.
The sunshine came today when Sunflower and Wyeth came to visit. They walked in with me asleep in my chair again but I woke up immediately and perked up and began the adventure that Wyeth brings.
God I miss the real world.
No matter what is said, this is not a real world. This is a painful hallucination or nightmare that is imbedded deep within the real world. The real world is freedom and taking chances and paying for your mistakes and rewarding in your victories how big or how small.
The real world is a place of love and hate, or joyous celebration and of unbelievable pain but the dancers in this cosmic beautiful dream move through the joy and the pain and move into a consciousness.
WE are all trying to get in.
I don’t feel the consciousness here. Instead here is a place of false belief that repeats over and over the same laws, rules and punishments. I can no longer even consider these ramblings as viable conversation when it comes to talking about god.
To even consider a conversation about god then limits this god to human conversation.
Just look around. Look at the connections. Look for the similarities and look for the beautiful unique creation of the art form called the universe. We are but a mere brushstroke but without that stroke of the hand the picture would be completely different.
COOL PEACE
HIPPY MIKE
LOVE
SPIRIT
GROOVY TIMES...