Crying

The trip back to the gulag was filled with light conversation and I noticed that Barth was having some trouble breathing and moving.  It’s a strange dance with Barth because even though there was not perfection in his movements right now, he seemed older because of some of the interactions in our conversations.  His responses.  I couldn’t make up my mind though if indeed he was still doing much better or if he was falling apart in front of our eyes.

Barth had been so close to death when we started all of this so gauging his recovery or response to negative or positive energies was difficult to do and the fact that he really was out of control right now with wanting to leave this universe and go play in another and hell it was fascinating and big fun right now.   I really didn’t mind the trips all that much.

We got to the gulag and I pulled up the the front door.  We sat there for a bit talking and then it became quiet and finally Barth said, “Just let me sit here for a few minutes.”

I started laughing.  Barth was making it sound like once he left the truck and went inside he would never be a part of any of this again.  “i just don’t want to go back in there man.  It’s done.  I’m done...”

I said, “Yea, little soldier i think it’s done”

When I got home I figured I would sit down and look over the blog that Barth and I used to communicate back and forth ideas..  Barth was adamants that the

blog be called “The Anarchist Army Boot”.  His reasoning was insane in it’s description.

Barth still had a copy of the original Anarchist Cookbook which is still powerfully disturbing today.  It’s full of things you can do to create mayhem and chaos but there are recipes in there for creating enlightenment and happiness or at least great big fun.

I’m alright,  you are alright, the buddha appears to be sleeping while the guru is dancing a deliciously delightful dance that is to carry the burden to it’s newest destination.

Oh dear brother John.  You have always enlightened all of our followers with your messages and your visions of what is waiting for us all  Your world is a beautiful and precious world.

My world, the two places that I rest my feet in right now.  They are both worlds of karma and confusion.  There is the world of the desperation that comes from refusing to play by any rules and in turn thinking that we can create our own reality which at times appears to be working but the power of the magical thinking can convince the strongest of spiritual entities for a brief moment.

There is the world of absolute reality, complete and undeniable truth.  The gulag is that type of world.  I watch the fellow patients who are more severely damaged than me, in many cases because of fifteen to twenty years age added on.

A lot of my sorrow and pain comes from my self inflicted abuse that I lived in for so many years.  Now I am merely healing from it all. and finding a few areas where the healing will never be complete.

While sitting on the stair stepper bicycle pumping away I sit and watch so many of them shuffle in and have extreme difficulty in standing, speaking,, moving, balance, strength and endurance  Their lives are filled with a constant identification of pain and then learning how to incorporate it into the list of pains and discomforts.

I’ve been given an opportunity here to face my own mortality while watching others come to grips with their own sense of finalization.  I refuse to give up.  I still have time, a lot of time left damit..  That spot on the shelf is just going to stay empty for a while longer.

Those vendors who put their heart and soul into this adventure are really far and few between.  Most of the vendor crowd is comprised of self-centered, selfish, deceitful individuals who are looking for the big hit, the next big score and they don’t care if they have to step on some toes to get there.

I didn’t want to believe that but then I was confronted with it face to face by a number of vendors when we found ourselves needing help to pay the bills.  The real lights did shine in many ways but the dark ones came out in droves also.  Of course a couple of the vendors who exhibited this negative behavior didn’t surprise me at all  I knew darkness when I saw it.  I should have been paying more attention because darkness can really sneak up on you and do some serious damage in a short amount of time.  Example, me..

“Who’s there?  Who is that?”

Barth could sense the presence in the pitch dark room which also created a sense of confusion because the room at the gulag was never pitch black.  Of course also where Jack was looking to see the figure seemed to be a vast and infinite space of of complete darkness.  “Who the fuck is there?  Aardvark Diggs is that you?”

Aardvark Diggs stepped into the room and Jack could immediately see him and what was behind him which was not a room but was instead absolutely beautiful hills and trees and run down barns..

Aardvark Diggs jiggled in his clothes as he came closer, “Gunner my dear boy you are looking excellent.  Your Near Death Diet has done wonders for you.  You’re almost sexy.  I’ll bet Annie will be quite pleased when she gets here.”

I chuckled at Aardvark Diggs complement, “Aardvark Diggs, thank you.  So what brings you here today?”

Aardvark Diggs raised his hand and placed it on my face, “ Well it’s not to blow flowers and candies up your ass.”

Everything

Immediately

Changed...

Annie Cosmic was standing next to me.  She was holding an ornate sword.  I was also armed with a beautiful sword and before us were two gargantuan green blobs of stinking flesh which were also armed to the teeth.  We were standing face to face with two of the warriors from the  Galanteglon tribe and apparently we were about to do battle with them and battle did we so do.

These unbelievable smelly creatures were awkward and enormous with their legs looking like they were always swollen to the point of exploding.  They were quite fat and they were also quite strong and surprisingly they were also quick on their tiny feet for something as large as they were.

I think their greatest weapon though was that they stank so unbelievably bad  and If they got you down on the ground and got their gargantuan form over you, you would be immediately bombarded with the stench of their bodies and the fluids that would be falling off of them and onto you.  This would invariably make you terribly ill so they would then be able to complete the attack and stab you with their stick.

That would not be the case today.  Instead Annie and i were precise and complete in our battle against these vile creatures and we made sure that they would not put their stink on anyone again.

Once we were finished we heard a clapping of hands coming toward us.  It was of course Johnny Red, “Excellent job there lovers!  You both have kept yourselves up rather well, especially you Barth.  You’ve lost all of that belly of yours and your face looks so much thinner I would almost guess you were terribly ill and almost died.”

I threw my slime covered sword at Johnny Red, “Funny you should mention that ya fuck.”

Johnny Red was right between me and Annie in a swift movement that was so unfamiliar that I felt dizzy, “Ok now listen up kiddies. there are some seriously Barth boy and well, all of them.  We are out recruiting warriors that can help save our universe and...”  That was the last that we heard from Johnny Red.  A giant black hand with long black fingernails and flaking flesh falling off of it that when the flesh hit the ground shattered like glass grabbed Johnny Red around the neck with the black fingernails immediately cutting into his neck and cutting off his head.

Annie and I prepared to be next but the hand just ascended into the black clouds and was gone.

“What did you need Barth?”

“What?  Oh, oh I don’t remember?”  Man i’m betting these aides think I have dementia..

You know great one it is time for me to put this blog to rest and to say good night little warrior, until next time.

I ask one of the aids to ge me a cheese sandwich with mayonnaise and she promptly did.  It was so good that I ask another aid if she could get me a cheese sandwich with mayonnaise and she made up all kinds of excuse why she couldn’t and i became for the first time in a long time offended and somewhat belligerent over her lack of enthusiasm at her job.  Now I just feel like a real jerk.

Later...