Did anyone ever think there would come a day when there would be a resident at a nursing home wearing a Run DMC tee-shirt?
Well it’s here folks. It’s here.
The nursing homes are full of the flower power children, dead heads, Alice in Blunder Lands and pretty little people who all just couldn’t live the sixties for what they were, no we had to take it to that next level and well here we are. Getting our meds morning and night along with about the same time we get our diapers changed.
The nursing homes are crammed full of us and let me tell you from experience. It’s not a pretty sight.
I haven’t really laughed in a long time. I mean really belly laughed. It’s not that I have been overly sad, I just haven’t been engaged in that kind of merriment for a good while now or, maybe that kind of laughter is rare and those who seem to be hooting and hollering and laughing all the time are really much more miserable than the norm.
There are days where this is like a school cafeteria where all the students are sitting around tripping balls to the wall. There comes those times when that one guy, or gal strolls in that we all know is by far more gone than any of us are or ever will be. He walked in last Saturday in an adult diaper and strolled around the café’ looking for ice or something. It was obvious that his diaper needed changed.
That kind of strangeness takes you to another level of uncomfortable. You just sit or stand and stare but can’t say, “Hey dick weed you ain’t supposed to be walking around like that.” Of course the only one that could say anything was the creepy guy that thinks he is the local cop on his beat as he strolls the hallways and stops and stairs into people’s rooms.
It’s interesting to wheel around at all hours of the night and realize that half of the client base is on a third shift schedule, or, they just don’t sleep like me. It’s fascinating to see how each of us spend this time. Some watch TV while others like me wheel around the hallways that go in a circle. I run into the regulars every night. Others sit in dark rooms and talk about God till morning light and there are those who sleep like babies no matter what else is going on.
My dear brother is coming to see me tomorrow. I am so excited to see him and his boys. It makes me anxious. I want to be there for the event. I don’t want anything going wrong. It’s a major problem of mine. I get so wound up about a special event that I wear myself out.
See the problem is that I find Kat fascinating. First she reminds me of my first wife, even looks like her and second she has a free spirit that is so attractive. She has lived a wild uncontrolled life and most of it was by her decision.
I miss my apartment in Lima. It was such a sanctuary for me. I miss my life in Lima but not enough to go back right now. I need the break that Columbus is giving me. I need to heal as much as possible.
For some reason what a nursing home does to a person is amplifies whatever their personality traits were when they were out in the world. If you are an obnoxious asshole like Uncle Albert in the real world you are an absolute monster in here, which he can be at times. If you are a moody recluse like me well it gets worse. Thus the creepy butt sniffer that stands and looks into peoples rooms and thinks he works here as a security guard or more as a police officer is a frightening and dangerous fuck in here.
When my dear brother showed up with Chuckles and the first person I see Chuck talking to is butt sniffer I immediately wanted to pull butt sniffer’s head off. The man creeps me out. I heard him on the phone in the hallway the other day and apparently he is bothering people on the outside also.
Kat doesn’t understand my reclusive nature. She wants me to be more social and honestly she wants me to visit more. I become very excited when I know my daughter and grandson are going to visit or if my brother and his boys are going to visit. I even get very happy when Bird comes. I enjoy her energy so much. It’s always so positive and, she energizes me to create and allow her to sell it for me.
I enjoy talking to Kat, I really do. I guess I should look at the loner thing I am into right now. I actually feel very happy choosing when I am alone and when I socialize. I especially like being alone when my roommate goes home for a few days. Complete silence and no smells or whispers is such a wonderful experience.
I think everyone that has loved and cared for me all my life, those who have known me, my wives, my daughter, my lovers, my brother, my family and my enemies were not surprised when they found out I was in a wheelchair and probably would be for the rest of my life. They were more surprised that I was still alive.
Butt sniffer let me know that he let my nephew use his bathroom. I let him know that my nephew didn’t need to be using his bathroom or to be around him in any way shape or form.
I felt bad at first and then realized whether there is anything creepy about his guy or not, if I find the situation uncomfortable then I need to respond to it in that manner, it’s a situation to be avoided. My nephew Chuckles has lived a life so far of trusting human beings and I would like to see it stay that way.
This path, this journey has been a series of events that always brought me back to being on my knees so to speak, looking up and asking either “why” or “ok, what do you need me to do?” I never knew who I was talking to but I did get a sense that there was something there. Something beyond any interpretation from a book or by another human being. I got the sense of the cosmic consciousness and the vast size of it all. What I also go was the individual journey that has to be taken to get any of us to this place of consciousness.
Hopefully I am here to stay for a while.
cool peace
hippy mike
love
spirit
groovy days