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awakening

I woke up and my insides we on fire. I was immediately sick to my stomach and couldn't get up fast enough to get to someplace to vomit.

Lanna's naked body was wrapped around my naked body and we were both covered with sweat, my sweat.

I was in the bathroom throwing up in the toilet while Lanna complained about me being sick again. I just kept telling her to shut up through the vomiting.

I went to bed last night in a nursing home rehab with a broken leg in a cast and woke up in my old apartment with a woman that I had been having an affair with almost three years earlier.

Lanna didn't like me and I didn't like her. We both just wanted to fuck each others bodies.

bubbles

I turned the shower on and climbed into steaming hot water that brought me around and I was standing in a shower at the nursing home with my leg wrapped in plastic that had the cast on it.

There was an aid in the room but she didn't seem to notice that I was completely out of my fucking mind as to which one of these realities was the actual place I was at or for all I knew it was someplace completely different.

My life is a table. One of those long white tables you can buy at walmart, plastic top, metal legs.

eruption

My life is sitting on the table. My computer, my art which means my writing. My guitar is on a stand next to the table. The table is where I eat, create sometimes fall asleep in front of in my wheelchair.

Funny how life goes. Gotta go sleep and dream.

Another Saturday. The day when Nathan and the boys come over including my brother Thad right now. It's so nice. Nathan always brings me something to eat which is nice. The food here is just the worst yet.

hide

It's six o'clock in the morning and I've got the secret agent tunes going and grooving. Thinking about doing a facebook YouTube listening block.

My sanctuary has been violated by one of the residents. This old bastard has obviously home in here to mark territory like the old dog he is. Well I can be an obnoxious ass when I need to be. I can hold out longer then he does.

I need to move the table to make the room more accessible for me and anyone else that wants to use it.

landface

I think the old fucker really thought he would intimidate me. I'm not in a mood or position in my life to be intimidated by anyone. This is my space, my life, my destiny. I am making my own rules for a change. Fuck anyone who has a problem with it.

See I think facebook should work more towards the straight forward approach to their quotes. Don't flower them up with frilly little lines just say it, fuck you and the donkey you rode in on. This is my fucking life. Don't fucking tread on me.

mask

In the same breath exhale great emotions of joy when joy happens. I am the happiest mother fucker alive right now! I need to find someone to have sex with because as wound up as I am It will be a serious fuck fest!

Ok, enough of that. The old bastard left.

Man my dreams were way out there all night long and they were frighteningly real. There was this tremendous evil that was everywhere in an old mansion that we were trying to repair and live in. it' all vague now but it kept me awake for most of the night. One of those, go to sleep be right back in the dream and awake just as quick.

mountains

I heard her outside the main entry to the lounge I have housed myself in. She was looking out the exit door talking to herself. She kept saying, “Well hurry up.” or “I hope you get here soon.” I wondered if she was talking to an Angel that was assuring her that she would be coming for her soon. Or maybe she was just complaining to a spouse that is long gone. She just said, “Come on let's go.”

picasso on acid

I know the Angels exists. I have experience their presence. I have felt their being there. I have never seen them under normal circumstances but under the hallucinatory experences.

The nurse that washed all the dry skin off of my toes came and got her and took the old woman away.

Grooving to some strange music tonight. Listening to Funkadelic and Parliament with George Clinton and then Sniff N' Tears. Mixing in England Dan and John Ford Coley just to remind myself that I am a pasty white boy.

ship

Found myself again in the dream machine when I laid down to take a nap. Strange place the dream machine. It's not just dreaming, it's living, thriving, moving, grooving and participating in what is taking place and when it's all over and I'm back, may the ride just takes it all out of me. I don't know where I am, where I belong or what is really going on.

I think there was a day, no too far in the past when I stepped across a divide and have never been able to get completely back to either side or however many sides there is.

What it does is break my heart and capture my soul where I feel like I’ve missed the best of my life, the biggest parts. Truth is, I haven't missed a god damn thing.

subdued

I'm using the new AARP magazine as my mouse pad. On the cover is a picture of Bob Dylan and it says, Dylan Behind the shades. I have never had any desire to read AARP magazine even though I'm sixty and I guess it's written for people like me and older. The picture of Bob did it for me and it was a good article. Refreshing and honest. The other articles seem to be talking about how we boomers just aren't going to go out of this picture show gracefully. We are going to work hard, live hard, party hard and fuck hard till the day finally comes when we catch the train to the next adventure. I like that. It makes me feel better about some of the mishaps and crashes that I have had. Not for the crashes but more for the fact that I never and have never and will never give up.

Listening to Maggot Brain. Man what a guitar solo.

The girls in the room next to me are talking about the terrible shit that happens to our feet. Ingrown toenails, fungi and all sorts of ugly things.

trumpet

There's a one legged guy and a white haired old woman arguing about hell who knows what. The one legged guy thinks he's he godfather. He will be sitting at the table with all the group during the day wheeling round the table waving a dollar at the women saying things like, “Here, here's a dollar go buy yourself a candy bar” and he's not trying to be funny he really thinks he is doing something nice. He's down there right now telling the white haired woman that they have her lobotomy scheduled. The nurse is trying to settle them down. The couple are once again at it. The poor woman who has been crying for a week now is demanding to go home and the husband keeps telling her to get in bed and shut up. She even tried to get him to let her climb in bed with him but he kept saying mom there isn't enough room.

What we don't think about unless we are in these kinds of places is how our voices change as we grow older. The woman that is with her husband I spoke of her grating child like voice that sounds like something from a horror flick but there is another little tiny old woman whose voice just goes through me. A deep nasal voice that sounds so angry and menacing. My roommate sounds just like a depressed, very depressed Raymond from Everybody loves Raymond.

I would probably guess my voice sounds like I am stoned.

It's one o'clock in the morning and I was woke up with my roommate getting is ass wiped at midnight. “Turn toward me, now turn the other way, ok, both legs in the air, there you go.”

This has become my life.

Nights are just filled with such strangeness.

Maybe I’ll try to sleep again.

cool peace

hippy mike

love

spirit

cool uber groovy cool 


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