There is a man here at the home who uses the name Barney here because his real name is the name of another resident and that one is an ass, let's just say the other guy that is the same name as Barney's real name is very verbal. I've talked about this guy before. Anyway, Barney wheels me to the Giant Eagle that is close and all it costs me is a forty of Budweiser for Barney. Barney never really ask for payment but he is always genuinely grateful.
Barney s a man that four months ago was having open hear surgery and has a terrible breathing problem. He believes God gave him a second chance and he quit everything. He quit cigarettes, liquor, drugs and petty crime but he asks God to let him have a couple beers a day. I say so be it. If he wants to believe that a make believe God gives him permission to have a couple beers then I don't see anything wrong with it and I don't mind spending a few bucks to further his intake of beer for a push to Giant Eagle.
I used to get really upset at the level of alcohol use there is at the home but give em a break. Just because I don't drink doesn't mean that they shouldn't be allowed to if they want as long as they don't get obnoxious or violent. Hell they should just have happy hour at the nursing home. The residents wouldn't be sneaking out so much and wouldn't want to leave at all so that keeps the administration happy and the insurance companies working. Just control it like at a happy hour or something and have a limit of three beers. Of course I wouldn't mind seeing a smokers lounge for potheads either.
The whole place is nothing but scam artists, well not really artists, that's giving them more credit than they deserve, scammers, druggies and boozers, petty theives and people like Kat that spends her whole waking day trying to figure out how to get a fix. Getting a buzz is what this woman lives for. At first it was kind of sexy but the more I am around her the more she is just disgusting to me. It's sad.
Then there is my roommate. A man in his forties with the mind of a horny teenager who is schizophrenic who has a serious Jesus and God complex and who is angry right now at a couple of the scam boys who played him on his cigs. My roommate is just waiting for that voice from God to say, “OK boy it's time to kill”, and well we all know the rest. I wish the voice from God would tell him to wash his dirty ass.
The whole mess of them just infuriate the fuck out of me right now but if I give it much thought I can pinpoint a lot of people in my life that basically were always trying to find a way of getting something. I think the world is comprised of scam artists and victims and victims are worse then the scam artists because they want to be victimized. It gives them some sense of importance. In some pathetic way they like to be fucked over because they can then have the attention focused on themselves.
I say fuck em all.
I say the majority of the population has been so beat up by our own system of religion, politics and corporations that being honest is an impossibility, or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just one of the ones that is a con man and a victim. I play both sides of the field. Get what I can from the prevailing entities involved.
I hate being so lost in the mix of such ridiculous behavior.
My roommate is convinced that two of the guys here want to go get him cigs at Giant Eagle so bad because then they can bum them off of him. I say someone going to get you something deserves something in return. A pack of smokes should be worth two cigarettes. If there are two of you going after the smokes then that is four cigarettes. And this is per pack so if you are talking two packs it's oh who fucking cares. It's not cheap in the cost of cigarettes but you have to pay the price. Nothing is free. Having my crippled ass pushed up there by Barney cost me three bucks for a forty as it should. It's a clean business deal. Barney is willing to take the risk of having another stroke to get his forty and I am willing to risk him having another stroke to get some shopping done.
I got so bored today that I tried one of the tripping videos online and I have to say I was impressed. It worked. It wasn't like LSD but it was a little bit of a mind melt. I was impressed as I said. Actually I think I'll go look at more.
It's Friday. I get a two day reprieve from dialysis. I suppose I should be more excited. I'm slightly annoyed because I have had trouble getting hold of people for the last few days. This makes me worry which makes me think terrible things.
Sometimes I get so damn scared. I have been so close to death a few times over the last year and a half and it does something to you, or at least it did me.
I traveled the one time to another reality, so, I believe there is something beyond this that is related to the consciousness but that does not mean I am ready to just go off on a new adventure. I have a relationship with my daughter and grandson that is beautiful and special to me and I have my continuing relationship with my brother and his family and no matter how strange my relationship is with my other two brothers and my mother they are vitally important to me.
As I was sitting here writing I got the urge to call my mother. After being on the phone with her for five minutes I remembered that my mother can be a difficult woman to deal with sometimes. I continued to visit with her on the phone though and it turned out to be a nice conversation for the most part.
My mother would be happy if I stayed in the nursing home for the rest of my life and even though she does not express that in very positive ways it's her way of worrying about me. I'm in the big city now and she worries about me wheeling my broken ass around.
I wheeled up to nuke me some mac and cheese. Uncle Albert was there with homeless Joe. Homeless Joe was obviously drunk and uncle Albert was being his typical obnoxious self. Sara was dropping playing cards on the floor. The cleaning lady was trying to mop the floor while everyone just continued to walk all over her fresh mopped floor.
Winchester came in and uncle Albert started right in on what kind of a pervert he was and I agreed.
I got back to my room and shut my door and the idiot next to me started in again about how I was being loud and that he was going to call the police.
It stopped being funny.
I started crying and I can't seem to stop.
cool peace
hippy mike
love
spirit
uber groovy
