Serenading the beasts
I saw a quote from the new book, “The afterlife of Billy Fingers” which said, “Imagine yourself with no limitations only potential”. I thought about this and I think there have been only a handful of people who we can say accomplished this. Imagine if everyone was able to live that way. Imagine if we all had no limitations, only potential..I can't decide if it would be a good thing or bad thing. Imagine if you will that everything that Billy Fingers rambles on about is a lie.
I remember me and Nathan drinking with the handicaps at The Bier Stubbe in good old Columbus, Ohio on the campus of Ohio State University on Wednesdays. The Stubbe was Nathan's favorite bar and Wednesdays were one of our favorite nights. I swear if I still drank I would have them cart my ass up to the Stubbe this Wednesday and I would see if they were still serving the handicaps on Wednesday now that I am one.
I have decided that I am going to move home and home for me is Lima, Ohio.
He screams in agony, “You have forsaken me! You have forgotten me! You have left me here in his misery.
He whispers to himself, “God is all powerful. God is inside of me, I am all powerful.”
A distant traveler prays to the Sun, the moon, the earth the wind the fire, the stars and the universe.
The irony is what one will due to alleviate oneself from the pain.
My life has become a constant process of transition. What was stability and balance is now continuous movement and constant change.
I see a possibility of a greater change toward consciousness through love which generates peace but I am distracted by chemicals given to me by the medical industry, by all the pretty colors and action of the commercials and programs. By the lies of our government that we are forced to believe. By the sheer power of loneliness.
I'm trapped inside my own prison right now. I cannot see a way out. I witness the walls moving closer, the room is getting small and my artwork is everywhere and the colors and shapes are becoming animals and beasts.
Oh essence can you see me, can you hear me, can you heal me?!
My life is consists of being hooked up to the machine three days a week literally and when I'm not hooked up I am seeing some doctor for a follow-up to see if their handiwork, well worked.
The roach kept coming back every and talking to me aout the meaning of life. I would be siting at my laptop either reading the news, reading facebook or writing, well or making art. I knew I had lost it. There was no question about this. I mean I was talking to a roach every night that sat by my mouse.
His name was Horace.
Horace was bound and determined to convince me that this world and everything in it, everything going on, the good and the bad was simply my imagination. I was the creator of this universe that I was a part of. It didn't matter what my neighbor was doing. All that mattered was that I created him. I was the creator of all that abounds. If I thought about it long enough I would be sitting in the corner with all the lights off and couldn't breathe.
Well Horace helped me turn around and wheel out of the corner and embrace the power of our lives, the power of my life and that essence and power there is in finally understanding how it all works. The universe and all ya know.
Horace is an ugly fucker but he has a real handle on life and the whole meaning to it. I mean did you think I was coming up with this, no way.
Horace is a pretty good size for a cockroach but then I do feed him well. Strangely enough I have never seen more than just Horace here, so, I guess that's a good thing.
Horace speaks in a soft man's voice which sounds very spiritual, esoteric. His voice could calm the most raging of seas, the ravages of my mind, the winds that are coming with the change.
orace speaks of the universe, everything as if it were all one tiny element of existence that is me. I am the universe. I am God, the sun, the stars, the moon, the earth, wind, fire and rain and all of these things give me powers over my life and surroundings.
Ok now we'll talk later about Horace. On to more important matters.
My question to Horace I always the same, “Why would't the guy next to me try to change his existence and alter mine.
Horace calmly speaks, “He only knows his existence as what it is. His reality is no different than yours. It is what you see and what you know. The movement of the universe is simply perceived nothing more.”
Ok, enough.
The world is a complicated place. The universe is an animal that lives off of instinct. It has teeth.
Our world has too many rules and regulations. We have just lost the ability to live life to it's fullest and not worry so much about everything. Of course that's coming from a man that is bi-polar and has anxiety attacks. My life is constant worry.
Man, i'm not doing well with being in this chair. I was always on the move, walking everywhere and here I am nothing but a couple wheels that don't roll all that well across the pavement. Everything has to be looked at from a different view. The world is much lower now. I notice people's shoes a lot. Something I don't wear much anymore, shoes that is.
No one really gets how time consuming pain can be unless you have been there.
I love Halloween and here I sit alone again on this holiday that I should be spending with my daughter. Man oh man the shit is getting deep here. Where is Horace when I need him.
My art has become graphic depictions of my pain. The pain is splashed against the canvas with a vengeance. Oh the Angels are here I can feel them and they will help but I have to let them know I am ready.
Been a rough time man but I think it's almost over. Time to move on.
Then I fell out of bed and broke my hip.
Cool Peace
hippy mike
love
spirit
cool uber groovy cool