I woke up today with a completely different outlook on life. I felt positive and happy and content with my circumstances. I have no idea what brought on this change of emotions but I think it has a lot to do with the real dreaming that I am currently doing. Real dreaming is actually finding yourself in alternative examples of your current life or completely different circumstances.
Another thing that is going on is that I am feeling more creative and not so shut off from those aspects of my being. Lately the feeling of creating something has been a tremendous struggle where it now feels very easy and free.
Out of nowhere I decided to check into what would be involved in transferring me to Lima, in essence to go home and close the circle on this journey. With the help of my brother we started checking facilities and wa-la! I am on my way home. Well actually was supposed to be going home today but there is a delay on some paperwork so I am basically waiting out my time for now which is really ok. The fact that I am getting out of here, Columbus is a Godsend to me.
Sunflower came over to say goodbye even though she will always come up to visit and bring Wyeth it was still very nice of her to come up to bid a short farewell. While she was here we got the news that everything might be delayed but it still made our farewell together wonderful.
I am truly blessed and always amazed at how wonderful my relationship has grown with my daughter and grandson.
It's a waiting game now. Sunday is winding down and there will be one more full day and then I will be on my way home to Lima to complete my recovery from the broken leg and to continue physical therapy to figure out if I will walk again. The most important part is that I am going home. It is finally full circle and these next two days scare me the most. There is so much karma wrapped around all of this. Everything with the family is drenched in the essence of the lessons being served by karma.
The closer we got to Lima the more it felt like I was going home as if I had just traveled a thousand mile instead of the hundred mile between heartland and Lima. After two and a half years of hospitals and nursing homes and rehabs I was on my way home even though the beginning part of it was to another rehab nursing facility.
My first day was uneventful, pretty much the same old shit that happens in these type of facilities except this was different. This was a much smaller place and more down to earth, much more subdued. Nathan and his two boys came over later in the day and it was a wonderful visit.
My second day was even more uneventful except for a return to where my dialysis started and I spent most of the day writing and playing great old music getting extremely obsessed with Electric Light Orchestra which seemed to sound more like the Beatles than I ever remember them sounding like.
My desire to be free is even more amplified than before but my hope to heal and have a real shot at some quality years is powerful right now.
Man ELO just rocked me back into some serious memory journeys. When they first hit it was when Maggie and I first started and they were a breath of fresh air since the breakup of the Beatles. My daughter was born and life was tremendous. I just ache from the memories of those times.
I keep listening to this music and remembering the songs and since i'm watching them on YouTube I see the original videos and I remember the songs but don't remember the vids at all. I wonder what the hell I was doing during this period of time.
This music reminds me of all of the music I made with Sam and my brothers and myself. I felt such energy from it all as I now feel so much energy from my writing and art.
I wanted fame and fortune. I wanted it more than most but I also couldn't stop myself from creating and still can't. I don't know if it's good or just plain crap but it's mine, it's the expression of the collaboration of my heart and mind which said simply is my soul.
I think a lot of today was the last two and a half years rolling away, leaving my body resting in the soft slow glow of what makes Lima what it is. It's a small town with a lot of people.
I'm home comrade and that scares me.
My roommate is getting changed and the smell is pretty unbearable. Can't figure out what is wrong with him.
And so the circle has reconnected itself and the journey begins again. It didn't begin where I would have like to have seen it happen but then, we as mere mortal souls really have no business making those kinds of decisions. We should joyously with arms open wide receive everything, anything that is sent our way. Embrace life little one.
Embrace love little one.
Embrace me and I will embrace you.
There is love.
cool peace
hippy mike
love
spirit
cool uber groovy cool